Biblical Context of "Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child"

Just the night before, we had our family movie night. It was "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" DVD which we bought some months ago. Well, both Geraldine and I thought we could take the opportunity to explain the reasons on the different outcomes of the children characters at the end of the factory tour. We talked about humility, pride and arrogance, disobedience, tantrums and compassion to our children. It was to me, a great time of sharing of how there are unfortunate people around us, and how God has been blessing our family with our physical needs.

While the methods of discipline in the movie seem apalling, yet humorous, I can't help but wonder of the true biblical context of "discipline". What exactly is the definition of "discipline"? We've heard of "positive discipline" in parenting classes and literature, yet how is it different in our guiding principle for raising disciplined children?

What comes immediately to mind is Prov 13:24:

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him".

Dr James Dobson advocates appropriate spanking for a child's attitude adjustment in the shortest and most effective route and that there are no scientific bearings that allure to spanking by a loving parent breeding violence in children ("Solid Answers", James Dobson, Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois, 1997). Dr Dobson also stresses the importance of embracing our child in love after punishment as an assurance that it is the misbehaviour that brought disapproval and not our dislike for the child personally.

Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo underscore the importance of "heart-training", that is the need for parents to reach out to the hearts of the children in shaping their hearts and characters. ("Growing Kids God's Way", Gary & Anne Marie Ezzo, Growing Families International, 2007). The scripture never refers to a child as a fool but that the untrained heart of a child contains foolishness. This is true biblical discipline.

From here, I learn that disciplining our children is to love them. Appropriate use of the cane corrects the heart conditions of misbehaviour. Encouragement and constant reassurance of our love for them is the best medicine in the whole disciplinary process!